Even the crudest among us has heard you’re not supposed to put your elbows on the table. In fact, it’s so familiar, there’s even a nursery rhyme about it—and you know you’ve arrived when you have your own nursery rhyme, just like the plague (Ring Around the Rosie) or a homicidal English queen (Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary). It goes:
Mabel, Mabel, strong and able
Get your elbows off the table
This is not a horse's stable
But why?
Having your elbows on the table is far more comfortable, so what’s the big deal? One explanation is the need for manners to make everything as uncomfortable as possible. Looking too relaxed or happy when eating is apparently something high society frowns upon. However, since this isn’t likely to convince your little barbarians to keep their hands at their sides, go with this one instead: in medieval times (when most manners seem to have been invented, mainly as a way to make sure one person wasn’t trying to kill another person) people ate in large groups at even larger dinners thrown by the king. Guests sat on long benches and space was at a premium. Elbows took up space, nudged other diners, and in some cases turned dinner into a donnybrook of epic proportions. If the thought of avoiding a medieval melee doesn't go over, then tell your child this: okay, go ahead, put your elbows on the table. (Record scratching)—What?!? Yep. Do it. Lean ‘em right up there. But only after dinner. It’s okay, Miss Manners even says so: “[The rule] applies only when one is eating, not when one is lingering over a completed meal or attending a meeting around a conference table.” Even Emily Post, the arbiter of appropriateness, the Divine Ms. E herself, says that while keeping hands at your side is not a bad idea for kids, the general no-elbow rule “is not in accord with traditional behavior or with good sense.” So perhaps the old rhyme could stand for some updating:
Mabel, Mabel, strong and able
Get your elbows off the table
Unless you’ve finished with your food
Then it’s not considered rude.